mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
