you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
