My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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