my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
