hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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