i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize