Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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