Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
