Sry I called you an 8
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
