Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
