he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
