i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
