All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
