So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
