from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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