I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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