Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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