North Korea, Best Korea!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
