so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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