the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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