You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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