This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
