i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
BRING THE BAGELS
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize