Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
