Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you guys were way drunker than both of me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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