just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
