dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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