I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
