Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
