She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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