he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
