Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
