We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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