the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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