I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
