i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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