I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We left the knife in your bed.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Randomize
