Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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