CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize