He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Your cock deserves a montage
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
