Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
