so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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