You're so nebulous sometimes
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
