Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
