im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
