Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
