so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
