and i looked up. we had an audience...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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