Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
