Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
