fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
