OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize