I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
