i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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