im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
