I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
