suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
