I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
