he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
