i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
50% drunk capacity currently
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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