If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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