Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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