she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
