i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
