you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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