I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
