I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize