I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize