jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
