is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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