Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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