we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
