Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
