I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
