Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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