you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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